"Dad," said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. "I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow." "OK, son," said his dad, "I'll get you the cash when the bank closes." - zobacz
"Did you hear? Lament's gettin' a Ph.D." "What does Ph.D. stand for?" "in his case, Pin-headed Dope." - zobacz
"Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?" " My right hand." " Amazing!Most people have to use the on/off switch." - zobacz
"Doctor," said the patient, "I need help! I can't stop acting like a cat!" "How long have you had this problem?" the doctor asked. "Lest's see," said the patient, "Mom had the litter in '41 - zobacz
"Now my motto in life," said the school chaplain, "is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?" "My motto is let bygones be bygones." "That's good. Why did you choose that?" "Then I wouldn't have to take any history classes!" - zobacz
"Professor, I hear your wife has had twins. Boys or girls?" "Well, I believe one is a girl and one is a boy but it may be the other way around." - zobacz
"Take the wheel, Harry!" said the nervous lady driver. "There's a tree coming straight for us!" - zobacz
"This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you." Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine, I'll take two." - zobacz
"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher. "What did you make of the new English teacher?" "Burgers, ma'am." - zobacz
"What were you before you came to school, boys and girls?" asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out, "Happy!" - zobacz
"What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?" asked the judge. "Well, Your Honor," replied the arresting officer, "I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, 'I want to listen to it on my record-player!' " - zobacz
"When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step." "If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you." - zobacz
"Where are my shoes?" asked the Iowa State professor as the class ended. "They're on your feet," said one of the students. "So they are," said the professor. "It's a good thing you saw them, or I would have gone home without them!" - zobacz
"Where's the car?" asked Professor Delbert's wife when he got home. "Did I take it out?" "Yes, you drove it to school this morning." "I suppose you're right, my dear. I remember now that after I got out, I turned to thank the man who gave me a lift and wondered where he'd gone." - zobacz
"Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie?" "He said it was too tight." - zobacz