"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two. "No thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all." As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked. "Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard." - zobacz
"I can't believe it," said the tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?" "Well, that's hard to say," replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday." - zobacz
"Look, guide, here are some LION tracks." "Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from." - zobacz
"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?" "Please wait, someone else is using it." - zobacz
"Room service? Send up a larger room." - zobacz
"Were you in Paris on your vacation?" "I don't know, my wife got the tickets." - zobacz
"Your teeth are like the stars," he said, As he pressed her hand, so white. He spoke the truth, for, like the stars, Her teeth came out at night! - zobacz
'I hope you're not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock,' said the principal to a new boy. 'No, Sir. I've got a digital watch that bleeps at three-fifteen.' - zobacz
1st Roman Soldier: What is the time ? 2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII ! - zobacz
A farmer, who went to a big city to see the sights, asked the hotel's clerk about the time of meals. "Breakfast is served from 7 to 11, dinner from 12 to 3, and supper from 6 to 8," explained the clerk. "Look here," inquired the farmer in surprise, "when am I going to get time to see the city?" - zobacz
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?" "Well, we work for the county government, " one of the men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Are n't you wasting the county's money?" "You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back." "Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?" - zobacz
A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer." - zobacz
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. "Not very long," answered the Mexican. "But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the tourist. The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. The tourist asked, "So what do you do with the rest of your time?" "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, spend time with my wife... In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, chase the senioras, and sing a few songs. I have a full life." The tourist said, "I have a M.B.A. from Stanford and I can help you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue , you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New Jersey! From there you can direct your huge enterprise." "How long would that take?" asked the Mexican. "Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the tourist. "And after that?" asked the Mexican. "Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!" "Millions? Really?" asked the Mexican. "And after that?" The tourist replied, "After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village n ear the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, spend time with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!" - zobacz
A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin. "Do you always carry such heavy luggage?" she sighed. "No more," the man said. "Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my partner can buy the ticket!" - zobacz
A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?" - zobacz